Courage To Believe (Cowboys of Courage 2) Read online

  “I’m tired but not sleepy,” she argued. “And you’re just trying to avoid the subject. Come on, tough guy. I know there’s a tender heart under there somewhere, or you wouldn’t have gone to so much trouble to make sure I was comfortable. Take advantage of the opportunity to unload your burden with someone who happens to be a really good listener.”

  Lucas snorted in amusement. He could definitely see Gillian being a good listener, though she was also quite a talker. And very convincing. He’d have to ask her how often she manipulated men to her will to have gotten so damn good at it. After all, he knew that’s what she was doing to him, and he still caved.

  “A few months back, we had a big scandal up here. Now, Courage is a quiet place. Most of Treasure County is. We like our slow and steady lifestyle where the biggest things the sheriff usually handles is a bar brawl or stolen cattle. Murder isn’t something we deal with much.” He told her about Brooks going missing, Garrett being forced to take the badge, and then the badge being taken away when he was accused of Brooks’ murder.

  She frowned. “That doesn’t make sense. He didn’t want to be the sheriff.”

  “No, he didn’t, and I knew very well he wasn’t guilty, but I couldn’t prove it. Shakota could, though.” He explained about the Crow Nation and how Garrett was close with the chief. “The sick part is, our own sheriff, who everyone loved and who had taken Garrett under his wing like a father when his parents were killed, was running illegal guns right under our noses. And he was the reason Garrett’s parents were killed in the first place. To top it all off, he had the nerve to frame Garrett for his murder.”

  When Gillian said nothing, Lucas felt like an ass. He should never have said anything. But finally, in a quiet tone, she said, “You think you don’t have a right to be indignant and hurt because you weren’t the victim. But Lucas, every one of you who put your trust in that man as the sheriff was betrayed by his actions, to one degree or another. And this Garrett? He’s a close friend of yours, right? So, of course, it’s going to piss you off and hurt even more because someone you care a lot about was the one most affected by the old sheriff’s actions.”

  He started to respond but snapped his mouth shut when Gillian reached over to stroke his hair. The gentle gesture awakened a tumult of emotions, and he basked in the attention. It was nice to be validated, but it was nicer to have someone touch him in a manner that had nothing to do with business or long term friendship.

  He really couldn’t describe it. It eased his concern that he was being ridiculous about the whole Hoyt Brooks scandal and aroused him all at the same time. If he’d been a cat, he knew he’d be purring loudly enough to make the tent vibrate. Feeling a little vulnerable and yet safe here with Gillian, he admitted, “I haven’t discussed that with anyone else. Garrett’s my best friend, but he’s already over all this. My sister has her own issues to deal with, and I spend a lot of time taking care of her. And my parents have pretty much checked out of my life and my sister’s life because they want nothing more to do with Courage and country life.”

  Wow, did that sound pathetic! But again, she seemed to validate his feelings. “I get it, Lucas. My mother’s been going through the trials of surviving cancer. My father left us long ago and barely sends me birthday cards, like I’m still fifteen years old. Aunt Carrie and Uncle Roger are great, but they’re half a continent away now. And they’ve always been good to me, but since they don’t have kids, they aren’t quite sure how to handle a lot of situations. Uncle Roger thinks money or gifts solve everything, and Aunt Carrie thinks she has to come up with some profound piece of advice for everything. Sometimes, you just want to be heard and to know that your thoughts and feelings are warranted.”

  That was exactly what Lucas had thought just now. It was like she read his mind, almost word for word. “Are you psychic?”

  A giggle burst from her lips, and the sound was like the dinner bell calling him home. Gillian’s laughter should be bottled and sold as an anti-depressant, he decided. “No, not at all. In fact, I find it really hard to read people sometimes, much less try to read their minds! Why do you ask?”

  He rolled to lean on his elbow and face her, essentially forcing her to stop rubbing his hair and making his brain mush. “Because what you said about wanting to be heard and to know that your thoughts are warranted is pretty much what I was thinking.”

  “Really?” Her eyes sparkled, and they looked like precious gems to Lucas. “Maybe we’re not so different after all then, even if our two worlds are very different.”

  “Maybe not,” he agreed, a smile slowly curling his lips. And as it did, he stared at Gillian’s lips, having a sudden overwhelming desire to kiss them. He wondered what they tasted like, and the sarcastic voice in his head told him the answer was probably dirt, mixed with the granola bar she’d eaten earlier. But his curious side fantasized about blueberry and roses, maybe with a hint of sugar.

  “Okay, Lucas, the look on your face has me a little worried. Are you sure you aren’t going into shock? Your jaw’s a little slack.” He could tell Gillian was mostly teasing, but it did feel like he was going to start drooling any minute now.

  “Sorry,” he told her. “I keep getting lost in thought. You seem to bring out the introvert in me and kill every last brain cell that’s responsible for interactive conversation.” He winked. “And yet, you still inspire me to share intimate issues with you.” As the words left his mouth, he knew how she was going to take them, and he regretted not thinking more clearly before letting words pour freely from his lips. At the same time, he knew he actually felt that way, and he wouldn’t mind a different type of intimacy between them. His groin ached at the thought, and he waited to see what she would do.

  Gillian met his gaze, her lips slightly parted, and Lucas could almost see her breath like a mist as it sped up. She said nothing for a long time, and then she reached out to him and drew her knuckles over his cheek in a caress. Lucas’s body tingled and he felt bumps all over his body. The touch was so suggestive of love and kindness he didn’t know what to say or how to feel.

  “Can you help me lie down without shifting my ankle too much, Lucas?” she asked in a voice barely above a whisper. Something akin to regret haunted her eyes, and Lucas didn’t quite understand, but he did as she asked before lying down beside her and reaching for the last blanket to throw over her. He doubted they needed to share body heat so intimately when the tiny tent held so much of it in.

  He could tell as she struggled for comfort she was used to sleeping on her side. The hard ground and her injury made that incredibly difficult. “Gillian, I can help you, if you want.”

  She frowned up at him. “How so?”

  Instead of draping the other blanket over her, he folded it several times to thicken it. Then, he laid it on the ground and pulled her onto it ever so gently so as not to disturb her ankle. He helped her settle down on her back with one of the bags under her head and asked, “Are you comfortable enough?”

  “Yes, I’m good, thank you.” She pulled the blanket tight under her chin and held it there, suddenly looking like a terrified child. Unable to resist, Lucas scooted closer to her and hesitantly slid his arm under her head. When Gillian didn’t resist the gesture, Lucas grew bolder and drew her into the crook of his shoulder so she could lay her head on his chest.

  It felt good to hold her, and Lucas was surprised when she actually splayed a hand over his chest, as if she needed to feel his heartbeat. Lucas smiled to himself. “Is that better?”

  “You’re so warm,” she yawned. He looked down at her and saw her eyelids drooping.

  He didn’t know what to think of that. He’d never exactly been described that way. She shifted slightly and winced, and Lucas told her, “Let me under your blanket. I promise I’m not trying to get fresh. I just need to slide your injured leg out and tuck it under mine.”

  Again, she willingly complied. Lucas lifted the injured leg as carefully as possible with both his feet and gently draped it
over his own calves. “There, that should keep it slightly elevated and make sure it doesn’t move too much during the night.”

  “You are a wonderful man,” she told him, sounding half asleep. “Are you gay?”

  “What?” he asked, utterly shocked by the question. “No! Why would you even ask me that?”

  She turned her head so her nose was almost buried in his neck, and she sniffed at him. He had to smell terrible, but a small smile curled her lips. “I just can’t see why no woman has fallen in love with you and snatched you up yet.”

  Lucas’s mouth moved, but nothing came out. If Gillian wasn’t falling asleep draped across him, he would have probably pulled her into a desperate kiss. He was grateful as she started snoring softly in his ear. It went a long way in making sure he didn’t do anything he would later regret.

  Still, he lay awake for a long time, reveling in the feel of Gillian’s soft form next to him. He’d never just snuggled up next to a woman like this. On the rare occasion he’d slept with someone, he typically hadn’t had – or been – an overnight guest. And the couple of times he’d shared a bed, he’d curled away, putting as much distance between them as possible. Lucas considered snuggling to be an act of love, and like he’d told Gillian, he had no intention of falling in love.

  When his eyes finally closed of their own accord, Lucas let himself fall asleep, and it was a deep, satisfying slumber, despite being on the hard ground amid the rain and thunder.

  * * *

  Gillian woke and started to stretch, but the instant she moved her leg even half an inch, severely excruciating pain shot through her, and she clenched her teeth to keep from screaming. She was a little disoriented and having trouble remembering where she was, but she couldn’t mistake the distinct feel of another human pressed against her ear and hand.

  Ever so slowly, she shifted her head to look up at the most gorgeous, peaceful face she had ever seen on a man, and last night’s adventure came flooding back to her with the force of a jackhammer. It slammed into her chest, and Gillian felt a modicum of panic at the fact that she had no idea when they’d be able to get back to civilization. Of course, thinking of Courage and the mountain as civilized was a bit of a stretch.

  The rain seemed to have stopped, but the air felt sticky inside the tent, and she was certain it would be worse outside. Their clothes were never going to dry in this weather, and they didn’t have much food left. She would have suggested they just wrap in the blankets and start walking, if she’d been able to walk. But considering her reaction to a slight pointing of her toe, Gillian knew she couldn’t put any weight on the damn thing.

  Lucas was a survivalist, and they were in the woods. Maybe he could fashion her some makeshift crutches. Then again, she wouldn’t be able to use the blanket to keep herself covered. Cursing internally with frustration, she decided to try to turn over onto her back, away from Lucas, without waking him up.

  She struggled with her ankle, which he’d somehow managed to drape over his legs, but she pressed her lips together and lifted from her hip, trying to keep her ankle immobile. It mostly worked, and once that was done, she lifted her head and rose from the arm he had wrapped around her.

  But Lucas moved quickly, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to the ground. She landed on the soft mass of blanket folded beneath her on her back, with Lucas looming over her. His eyes were hot, and Gillian was instantly aroused at his nearness and the way he looked at her. She held her breath, and before she knew what was happening, he leaned in and kissed her.

  It was a passionate, demanding kiss, and she found herself wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him to her. She deepened the kiss, and he fisted a hand in her hair, tugging her head back so he could get a better angle. His tongue tangled with hers and made love to her mouth as the heat of his chest pressed against the soft blanket, which was the only barrier between them.

  She suddenly wished it wasn’t there. And that she could wrap her legs around him and keep him attached to her.

  As suddenly as he’d come down on her, Lucas pulled back, leaving cold air and a sense of rejection between them. His chest heaved, and as Gillian panted for air, she watched it, wanting to lick it and entice him back into her arms. “Lucas?” she asked in a breathy voice.

  He shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he rasped. Nothing more, just the two words, and Gillian hardened to him instantly.

  “You’re sorry? A kiss like that and you’re sorry? The least you could say is ‘wow’, or ‘that was nice.’ But apologies? That’s just offensive.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” he told her, turning a pained look at her. Gillian couldn’t understand the agony in his eyes, but her anger vanished in place of a need to comfort him.

  “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat. At least, not like that. I don’t know that I’d mind another kiss like that, though.” She bit her lip and blushed as he quirked a brow at her, the regret in his expression dissipating in favor of a salacious grin.

  “I thought you were against me taking advantage of the close quarters and isolation,” Lucas reminded her playfully. If she hadn’t been so turned on and ready to jump his bones, Gillian might have found it funny that he threw her words back at her. As it was, she could barely breathe with the way the first kiss had affected her.

  She told him, “It’s not taking advantage of someone if that person invites you to do it.”

  “And are you really issuing an invitation?” She just stared at him, her body on fire, hoping he could see the desire in her eyes. It must have worked; he loomed over her again, this time moving slowly, and his lips touched hers tentatively. The spark ignited, and Gillian’s body burned for more. The kiss escalated, starting out as testing the waters and growing into a passionate exploration. It was like they could learn everything about each other through the kiss, searching each other’s mouths for every secret and every hidden thought or emotion.

  Maybe Gillian was reading more into it than there was, but Lucas seemed just as enthralled. His body moved further over hers, and his palm cupped her cheek gently, his thumb caressing the corner of her lips. She melted against him, letting him take whatever he wanted and drinking from him as well. It was fuel to a flame, and she forgot her pain.

  She melted against him, letting him take whatever he wanted and drinking from him as well. It was fuel to a flame, and she forgot her pain.

  Chapter 7

  Lucas let himself fall headfirst into the sensation of Gillian’s body beneath him and her tongue tangling with his. But he knew he would have to pull back soon. If he didn’t, he’d take things further, and Gillian would resent him. She would cease to trust him, and that would make their situation unbearable.

  Even worse, she might not stop him, might not get upset, and then he’d be setting expectations he couldn’t possibly fulfill for some sort of future or relationship. He couldn’t let either situation come to fruition, so gently, he ended the kiss, giving her a peck on the lips for closure as he pulled slowly away.

  He searched her eyes and instantly knew it was a mistake. Gillian was ripe for the taking and looked like she was on the verge of begging for more. Lucas wanted to give in, and he thought for a moment that holding back was perhaps the most excruciating pain he’d ever experienced. But he breathed through it and didn’t give in to the extreme temptation of her swollen lips and heaving chest.

  Reaching for their clothes he’d tried to spread out on the tarp to keep them from smelling bad and told Gillian, “I’m going to step outside, see how things look, and hang these to start drying.” She looked a question at him as he unzipped the tent opening, and he didn’t have an answer for what he knew she was asking. Instead he told her, “I’ll be back in five minutes or less.”

  In nothing but his boxers, Lucas stepped out of the tent and welcomed the cold air on his skin. He left the zipper half open, knowing that she needed to release some heat from inside, too.

  Physically and
sexually.

  He didn’t know how much more time he could spend in there alone with Gillian without losing his cool. She was so damned sexy, and she was even smart and funny. Lucas was long overdue for a release. It usually didn’t matter, since sex wasn’t his top priority, but he was still a man. When a woman as gorgeous and likeable as Gillian offered herself up like she had, he suffered the same issues as any other man. His groin ached, and his chest hurt from trying to keep himself in check.

  He tossed the clothes over a relatively dry branch that had been partially shielded by the tarp overhead. They wouldn’t be dry for a while, but it was a start. Honestly, the only way they were getting out of this mess today was if some of the others on the SNR team came looking for them. He trusted that, having never heard back from him last night, at least Garrett or Mike would come out to his place. When they didn’t find Lucas or the missing girl there, they’d strike out in the direction they knew Lucas had come, and if they were smart, they would bring an extra horse or two.

  Lucas didn’t mind leaving all the supplies here until he could find his own damn horse and get back out, but they needed at least one ride to carry Gillian back. If he couldn’t go with her, so be it. He’d wrap himself in blankets and walk his happy ass home.

  He should have gone right back into the tent, but Lucas looked around to assess the damage. He’d done a good job setting up shop; by all rights, the tent should have been torn down by the wind, from the looks of things. There were branches down everywhere, and rivulets of water were still trickling down grooves in the dirt toward the creek. Debris was everywhere, and Lucas shook his head. Gillian was lucky she’d been found. And Lucas was lucky he’d found her before the storm hit.

  He made a survey of the area, determined to identify what had spooked Gillian’s horse to leave her here for dead. With all the fallen foliage and broken limbs everywhere, it wasn’t going to be easy, but he felt the need to solve the mystery. He kicked at some of the leaves, looking beneath them, and he worked his way closer and closer to the trail in his search.